I feel the need to blog about this despite the late hour(I aimed to sleep by 10pm) because I've been through too many conflicting thoughts. Need a little help here?
ALERT: might be a little big on the Christian stuff here, so I'm warning you guys in case you read this and roll your eyes at me/complain.
The bible teaches us to be kind;
In deeds, love your neighbour like yourself
In thoughts, never to judge
In your finances, never us a brother to repay what he owes you
In actions, if some slaps you on one side of the face, offer him the other side too
Why is it when we try, people always treat us like we're trying to be double faced or something? I mean, we could be mean and bitchy all we want, but the fact that we're TRYING at least brings some brownie points, right? I'm sure(unless you were born like Jesus) ALL of us before turning into Christians were pretty (Applies to us girls, for the guys..) bitchy and totally capable of throwing a bitch fit/being sacarstic/flinging insults into your face/snapping back at others. Or maybe it's just me, but I seem to go through that every.single.day.
When things crop up.. The inner bitch in me naturally reacts by coming up with some typical bitch thing to do, which sometimes DO come out of my mouth. Thank God I only let it slip through my mouth when I'm with Constance. But ANYWAY.. the rest, I try my VERRRRYYYYY best to keep it within me and I actually reproach myself for being so mean.
But at the end of the day, what do you get? People just treating you like, 'oh okay lah she's so easy to step on' and you go like CRAZY inside, trying to stick to the bible, showing love yada yada and people just treat your KINDNESS for WEAKNESS. (Sorry for the self praise, not fighting back is my form of kindness.)
Seriously man, sometimes I get so sick of it I really wanna throw my towel in and scream: I GIVE UP, I WANNA BE BITCHY, SOMEONE TEACH ME THE ROPES, AT LEAST IT'S EASIER TO SURVIVE.
Kill, or get killed, right?
I look at all the black faces, constant negativity and everything..
Then I think of the bible and it's word..
AND I WANT TO KILL MYSELF INSTEAD.
Following God's word has never been easy and if it were easy, the whole world would be Christians. Thinking back.. It all boils down to what you're doing it for. If you're doing it to be popular, to be accepted, then you would have given up eons ago. What for? Isn't being mean an easier option? But of you're doing it for God, to show love, then I guess you wouldn't be that easily discouraged. Cuz when you think of his love.. You naturally wanna spread it to others!! :')
Sometimes, it's really good to check the condition of your heart- what are you doing it for? Who are you doing it for? Why are you doing it?
Patience has never been my forte. I lose my temper so often I actually lose count. But you know what, I'm still gonna persevere and continue cuz.. Actually I don't know why. But since I'm called to love, love I shall give.
-DEEP THOUGHTS-
From Jacelyn's.
